Adam Lambert Is A Role Model

7 Things I Learned From Adam Lambert

Published on: May 29, 2009 – 11:09 am by Jillian Madison

I’m Jillian Madison. And I hate Adam Lambert. I’ve hated him since his first screechy note during auditions, and I’ve hated him and his growing ego throughout each one of his overrated, overhyped, overglorified performances during the season.

However, since Idol ended last week, I’ve had some time to reflect and grow. And I’ve come to the realization that Adam Lambert isn’t all bad. He did teach me a few very important life lessons along the way:

1. There is such a thing as too much makeup

You may think you look like a funky, androgynous hipster, but you don’t. You look like a gothic douchebag with no clue how to apply the $4 Maybelline eyeliner and mascara you just picked up at CVS.

2. Never wear a poodle on your head

Drag can be entertaining and funny, but not so much if you’re sporting a wig that looks like it was made out of Dolly Parton’s old pubic hair.

3. Never get Rosie O’Donnell’s old haircut

It’s 2009. Why is Lambert still sporting the 1992 “lesbian chic” half-shaved mullet with the bang combover?

4. No matter how much you suck, some losers will still like you

No matter how lame you are, a few people will always like you just because they think it’s cool and edgy to do so. Even if you’re an overrated, minimally talented douchebag like Lambert, some tools will still idolize you and want to talk to you… not because you’re awesome, but because they developed an abnormal parasocial relationship with you while you were on TV.

5. Getting publicly dissed by Clay Aiken means you suck

I never thought I’d say these words, but I agree with Clay Aiken’s assessment of Lambert. After seeing his Ring Of Fire performance, Aiken called Lambert “contrived, awful, and slightly frightening.” He’s right. Still though, how much do you have to suck to get publicly dissed by nice guy CLAY AIKEN?! Sorry, Lambert, that’s comically sad.

6. Make appropriate fashion choices

There’s a time and a place for ornate, bedazzled shoulder bras. The time is never, and the place is on set of the latest Hellraiser movie.

7. Unfortunately, Pro-Activ doesn’t help everyone

So thank you, Adam, for teaching me all these valuable lessons. I’m forever indebted. Now I’ll go back to counting down the days until you’re out of my face. Luckily, that will happen sooner than later, because the American public has an attention span shorter than Jackie Chan’s penis after a 30 minute swim in frigid waters… leaving us Lambert haters to laugh and frolick whimsically as he fades off into a pool of shallow obscurity.

Pop Hangover

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Mike

February 28th, 2011 at 1:52 pm

Yeah, do you wana know something Jillian or whatever the hell your name is?? I think your sooo jealous of people’s success that you want to show the world what a loser you are on the internet, clearly proving that you have no other life than trashing other people with this absolute garbage you’re spouting. I have read a few of your ’sumaries’ and that has been enough to convince me to try and tell you to stop hating the world, and get out there and get a life!!!! And just a side note, i saw Adam’s ‘for your entertainment’ on the top 10 on the TV and instantly fell in love with the video and the song, so there goes your little idea of being ‘idolized’. God i am soo annoyed with you.

smartone

February 18th, 2011 at 12:20 am

That was pretty funny and so very true.It will be interesting to see how long he lasts and if everyone will be talking about him this time next year.

WELL SARAH, THEY ARE STILL TALKING ABOUT THE GRAMMY NOMINATED ADAM THIS YEAR SO ALL YOU HATERS CAN GO SUCK IT!

TheJewfrican

June 4th, 2009 at 1:50 am

There’s a reason why the oddmakers, and general public overwhelmingly chose Adam.

But there’s no need to argue.

The proof is in the sales, the feedback of the mentors, the judges & his interviews. In the end, Adam, like all artists, will be judged by his sales and the musical legacy that he leaves behind.

John

June 3rd, 2009 at 1:12 am

My response to Jillian’s post:
7 STRIKING SIMILARITIES OF JILLIAN “MORON” MADISON AND MADAM GLAMBERT

JILLIAN MADISON IS A CRUEL BITCH

June 2nd, 2009 at 9:54 pm

She’s very MEAN and CRUEL. NOT FUNNY AT ALL. I don’t care if she hates Lambert with a passion but I think went too far overboard. I don’t even want to read it. And I want to go far overboard with my LOVE for her too. Visit my website: http://wehatejillianmadison.blogspot.com

Take a look at her websites and see how much delighted she is making fun, mocking, bashing ANYTHING and EVERYTHING. And on top of her heartless insults and trash talking she can still manage to put her smiling pictures. HOW DISGUSTING. WHAT A BITCH.

And she thinks there’s someone out there more mean, more rude than her??? Yeah, I never felt hatred over anyone for a long time until I encountered her whiny ass of a website on the internet. Oh I just love to hate her! Jillian Madison is my role model. I want to be another Jillian Madison!!!

smac

May 31st, 2009 at 1:23 pm

Very FUNNY! It’s a parody, right? Well then I think in the name of art it works!
BWAH!!!!

May 31st, 2009 at 1:03 pm

I agree that Adam is overrated, has an inflated ego, and did a lot of screaming. However, some of the points are a bit mean spirited – especially the comments about his skin. We’re supposed to be adults.